Right Here Waiting
by Caley3324
Summary: Sequel to Barriers and Lost and Found.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm so excited about this! I just LOVED the last book! I really hope that you enjoy this story!**

1.

"Why?" Zach asked again. "Why isn't the other house good enough for you?"

I smiled and shifted Josephine slightly in my arms. "I already told you. There are people that are bound to know that Joe has a residence somewhere near there. I wanted away. For her." I looked down at the daughter in my arms and smiled. It was my job to protect her from anything that could cause her harm. And I was taking that job very seriously.

He sighed and continued to unpack the books and put them onto the shelf. "And I suppose it's out of the question for you to unpack these while I hold Josephine?"

I smiled and once again looked down at my beautiful daughter. "She's only two weeks old, Zach. I just can't relinquish her for that long yet. Call me selfish."

"You're selfish," he muttered under his breath, but he smiled as he said it.

"Not so selfish that I won't spare you a bottle of water," I told him. We had gotten every room unpacked and settled except for the living room, and that would be done in an hour or so. "I'll go get one."

"Thanks."

I made my way to the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of water, and headed back into the living room where Zach was shoving the last book into place. "There."

"Very nice," I told him and handed him the cold water.

"What else would you say?" he asked as he unscrewed the cap. "You can't complain; otherwise _you'd_ have to do it."

I reached out and ruffled his hair. "You know you wouldn't make me do that." I was the wife of the man he adored, which made him adore me as if by association. He would do anything I asked and he would do it with a smile. He was like my little brother, even though we were closer in age than Joe and I were.

"Test me," he said with a wink.

Josie woke up and began to cry softly. She was a surprisingly good baby, though; she rarely cried. When she did cry, it was because she needed to be changed or fed, and when that was over, she grew quiet. It was easier than I had thought it would be. "I'll go change her."

"Good," Zach said and turned to the next box. "I wasn't about to offer."

I laughed as I moved down the hall and into the room that I had given to my new daughter. Zach had helped me paint the walls a soft green color and he'd assembled the crib and the changing table all by himself. I had found the rocking chair in an IKEA store that I had insisted on going to. I had tons of money stored up from my assassin missions, so why not use it on family?

I set my daughter down and as I began to change her diaper, I thought about my husband. Joe. It had been two weeks since the explosion and he hadn't woken up yet. Of course, I wasn't going to give up hope. He was my husband and I would be faithful and loving to him all of the days of my life. But sometimes the thought did cross my mind… But, no, I wasn't going to think that. He couldn't die. Not a man like him. He wouldn't die and leave Josie and me all alone. He just wouldn't.

I finished putting on the new diaper and my daughter looked up at me with wide, curious eyes the exact shade of her father's. I choked up a little bit as I pulled her gently up into my arms and held her close, fighting back the tears. It had only been two weeks, after all; he could wake up anytime. And I had to hope for that. I had to.

I walked back out into the living room to find Zach pushing furniture around. The walls were red, and the furniture that I had purchased was black. Every room was different, vibrant and alive. I wanted my daughter to grow up in a house that was happy, not one like I had grown up in, depressing and silent. She would know the love that I had never known until I had met Joe.

"A little to the left," I told Zach in reference to the couch that he was pushing.

He looked at me and gave me a teasing grin. "Is this going to be like those cartoons where someone is moving something really heavy and the instructor tells them to move it a little to the left, a little more, a little to the right, and so on until it ends back up in its original position?"

I rolled my eyes but smiled. "Zach, I just want the couch a little to the left."

He pushed it.

I rolled my eyes. "_My_ left."

He sighed and moved it the other way. I smiled. "Thank you."

He plopped down onto the couch that he had just moved and sighed. "Well, what's for supper?"

I raised an eyebrow. "What are you making?"

He sighed again and leaned his head back, closing his eyes. "I guess I should head back to the school. Check on Cammie…"

"Are you still upset that she won't run away with you?"

When he looked at me, I could see the pain in his eyes. "She doesn't understand, Katelyn. I could keep her safe."

"I know you could," I told him honestly, shifting my daughter in my arms. "But maybe Cammie thinks-"

"You ran away to be with Joe," he told me.

Joe. I missed him so very much. _Stop that,_ I told myself sternly. _He isn't dead and he isn't going to die._ I looked at him and didn't care that a tear fell from my eye. Didn't care that I sounded broken. "I wasn't running _away_ from anything then, Zach. I was running _to_."


	2. Chapter 2

2.

"I'm happy for you," I told Leah.

She clutched the letter that she had received from the CIA. She hadn't put it down the whole time that she'd been here except for when she'd handed it over to let me read it. "I'm happy, too," she said. "It's what I've always wanted."

"So, you go to field training first?" I asked.

She nodded. "Just for six months. But if you didn't attend Gallagher or Blackthorne, then you have to go to training for two years."

I smiled. "Well, it's a good thing that you graduated from Gallagher, then."

She looked over at my daughter, who was peacefully sleeping on the couch beside me, her tiny fists curled around the blanket. "She's such a beautiful girl. I bet she'll grow up to be one of Gallagher's best."

"I hope so," I replied as I, too, looked down at little Josie. It was hard to imagine someone as tiny as her growing up and becoming hard and tough.

"How could she not?" Leah laughed. "With a last name like Solomon."

I laughed, too. When Leah finally left, I made myself a sandwich for supper and after I had eaten, I fed Josie from a bottle. I had just finished that when the door burst open. Panic shot through me and I desperately looked around for a place to hide Josie.

_Oh no…_

"Katelyn!"

I sighed in relief. It was just Zach.

I walked quickly out into the living room, ready to scold him. "Zach, goodness, you scared me to death!"

But when I saw the look on his face, I stopped. "Zach, what happened?"

In answer, he held a piece of paper out to me. "It's just a copy," he muttered.

I handed Josie over to him while I began to read.

_Run. It's what people have been telling me to do all year, and now I think it's time I really listen. _

_ This isn't something I've decided lightly. Believe me, I've been thinking about what I've got to do for weeks. I've weighed all the options, the angles, the risks. There's a chance that this won't work, of course, but the only person it can hurt is me, and that's why it must be done. _

_ Zach was right._

_ They won't hurt me. It's the people _around_ me who are being made to suffer. I won't drag this danger to Nebraska, no matter how many guards might go along. I can't stay here. This place I love has started to feel like a prison – like a tower. Besides, I'm a Gallagher Girl: I couldn't be a raven if I tried. _

_ Zach was right._

_ Sometimes all an operative can do is run and not look back. Sometimes, when you're a chameleon, all you can do is hide. And so that's what I'm going to do. Starting now. _

_ I'm going to leave this report in the Hall of History, on top of the case with Gilly's sword. Someone will find it there eventually, in the place where this all started. Please don't look for me. Please don't worry. And, most of all, please don't think of this as me running away, but of me running_ toward_. _

_ Toward answers. Toward hope. Toward wherever I have to go to finish my father's mission and stop this thing, once and for all. _

_ Zach was right._

_ A year ago he told me that someone knows what happened to my father. Someone knows why the Circle is chasing me._

_ And now… well… now I am going to sneak out of this mansion by myself one more time. Now I'm going to leave here, and spend this summer trying to find them. _

_ I'll be back. And when I am, I promise I'll have answers. _

I looked at Zach for a long moment, stunned. When I could finally find my voice, I asked, "She'd really gone?"

He handed Josephine back to me and took the paper. "Yeah, she's really gone. Headmistress Morgan came and asked me if I knew anything. But I don't. I don't know anything. She didn't tell me."

He turned away and walked over to the window, where he looked out over the woods while he gripped the windowsill so hard that his knuckles turned white.

"It's not your fault, Zach," I told him. "It really isn't."

"She should have told me," he said.

I shrugged. "Maybe."

He turned around. "What do you mean, _maybe_?"

I pointed at the paper in his hands. "You read that, too, Zach. She doesn't want anyone else to get hurt. And I know that you would gladly die to protect her, but don't you see that _that's_ exactly why she left? She doesn't want anyone else to get hurt because of her. I know the feeling. It's why I swallowed the stuff that erased my memory when my parents came for me. I didn't want Joe to get hurt."

"Do you regret it?" he asked me, staring at me intently.

"Sometimes," I admitted. "But I think that I did the right thing. I never would have forgiven myself if something had happened to him."

"Why didn't she run away with _me_?" he asked, turning back around to stare at the full moon. "I offered to go with her. Everything would have been just fine. We could have hidden somewhere…"

"She doesn't want to hide, Zach." I set Josie down on the couch and faced him again. "She wants to finish her father's mission. She wants to find answers."

He turned and faced me and his voice sounded so… broken. "I could have helped her."

"Could have," I nodded. "But would you have ever let her leave? Would you have let her put herself in danger?"

"No," he whispered. "I wouldn't have. I would have kept her safe. Far away from any danger. Away from the Circle."

I nodded. "That's why she had to leave."

"I'm going to look for her," he said, pleading with me to understand. "I have to."

I nodded and hugged him. "I know you do." _Joe did the same for me._


	3. Chapter 3

3.

"I can't believe you're two months old," I told Josie as I bathed her, even though she really couldn't comprehend what I was saying. But, she seemed to listen well, so I definitely didn't mind talking to her. Sometimes, though, when she looked at me with Joe's bright green eyes, I would find myself crying for my husband, who had been in a coma as long as Josie had been alive. He'd never gotten to see his daughter.

_Don't think like he's already dead. He's Joe Solomon and you know as well as I do that he'll pull through this. He's going to be okay. He'll come home and everything will be okay again. _

I used the soft towel to dry Josie off, and then I pulled her into a fresh diaper and some clean clothes. She was already sleepy, so I sat down and began to rock her gently, singing a song all the while, a lullaby in Russian. It was the same song that had been sung to me when mine and Rider's parents had been stationed in Russia for a while. Of course, my parents were far too busy with their own lives to care for me, especially when I was that young, so they had hired a young Russian orphan girl to take care of me. I couldn't remember much about her, but I did remember her singing me the same lullaby every night. And it was a comforting one, about peace and joy and seeing the beauty in all things.

Josie didn't stir, even as I set her in her crib to sleep. I didn't shut the door behind me all of the way, but it was just barely cracked. She wouldn't grow into a child that was scared of the dark. Neither would she crave it the way an assassin does, though.

Back in the kitchen, I cleaned up the mess that I had made while making brownies and then I made sure that Josie's milk would be ready to go the following day. I was wiping down the counters when there was a soft knock at the door.

Zach, probably.

I put the washrag down and dried my hands before I headed into the living room and to the front door. When I looked through the peephole, I nearly jumped backwards in surprise. Standing outside, patiently waiting for me to open the door, was Rachel Morgan.

I quickly unlocked the door and opened it, giving Rachel a smile. "Hello, Mrs. Morgan."

She smiled back at me and waved the title away. "Unless you want me to call you Mrs. Solomon, call me Rachel."

I smiled and gestured for her to come in. "Fair enough. Have a seat."

"Thank you," she said graciously. "How is your daughter?"

"Very well," I said as I shut the door and locked it. "I can't believe that she's two months old already."

"Does she behave well for a newborn?" Rachel asked as she sat on the couch and crossed her legs. She wore jeans and a sweatshirt that looked far too big on her. Her hair was down, and it looked a little dirty, as if she'd been running her fingers through it a lot lately.

I shrugged and kept my smile. "I wouldn't really know. She's good, though. Generally, she doesn't cry unless she needs to eat or be changed."

"That's good."

"Would you like something to drink?" I asked her. "I have some tea, water, or milk. I made brownies, too; I'm sure you can smell them."

She smiled. "I can. And I would most enjoy a brownie with a small glass of milk."

I nodded and moved for the kitchen. "I'll be right back."

I came back with two glasses of milk and a plate of brownies, and we ate while we talked about trivial things like how the school was doing and how Leah's CIA training had been. We talked about Josie a little bit and she told me something about her sister Abby.

And then we got into the real reason that she was there. She set down her glass of milk and looked at me with tired eyes. "I know that you and Zach are very close since you've married Joe."

I nodded. "We are. He's like my little brother."

She sighed and clasped her hands together, as if she needed to hold onto something but the only thing that she trusted was herself. "I'm sure that he's told you about Cammie."

I nodded. "He has." He had come back after two weeks of searching for her, heartbroken because he hadn't been able to find her. He'd done everything that was within his power, and it hadn't been good enough. Cammie was just too good.

"It disturbs me," Rachel said. "I try not to let people know, but I had to talk to someone…"

I gave her a small smile and reached across the table to touch her hand. "You can come and talk to me, Rachel. Anytime. The only one I really have around here to talk to is Josie, and I would enjoy some adult conversation every now and then."

She smiled at me. "I've been talking to Joe, but I don't really get an answer, you know?"

I smiled sadly, feeling tears spring to my eyes. "I know."

She sighed. "Cammie-"

"Cammie will be okay," I told her firmly. "Cammie is smart and she's strong. She's one of us."

Rachel nodded, her eyes shining. "I just wish she hadn't gone alone. There are some things that spies should wish to be ignorant of. And I'm afraid that she'll uncover some truth…"

How many times had I uncovered a truth that I wish I didn't have to know? I shuddered. "Cammie is strong. I'm sure she'll be okay."

"She said that she'd return before the summer break," Rachel said in a soft voice. "But school starts in a week and there's been no sign of her."

"None?" I asked, surprised.

"None," she whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

4.

Zach was looking at me like he thought I was insane.

Maybe I was, I don't know. But I smiled, regardless. "Are you going to help or not?"

"You're crazy," he told me simply, not moving a muscle. "Absolutely crazy."

"Why is it so crazy for me to want to get back into top shape?" I asked as I continued to stretch. I had lost all of the weight that I had gained when I was pregnant with Josie, but I knew that I had lost a lot of my muscle tone, too. And I needed to get that back because sometime soon, I would be going back into the field. Not as an assassin; just as an agent.

He shrugged and smiled at me sheepishly. "I guess I just kind of thought that you would kind of become a stay at home mom now, you know?"

I laughed. "I will for now, but I'll want to go back eventually. While she's at Gallagher, do you think I'm just going to sit around here and do nothing?"

"Guess not." Zach began to stretch out his arms. "So what have you been doing? Your legs look a lot more muscled than they were."

"I've been running every morning before Josie gets up," I said. "Then, I find time to do some yoga while she's napping in the middle of the day. And I also do sit-ups and push-ups and stuff like that."

"And now you need me to help you with martial arts." He gave that cocky grin, as if he alone could make me become the spy that I had used to be.

I rolled my eyes. "No, I don't. I just need someone to practice with."

"Don't worry," he told me as if he hadn't heard my statement. "I'll train you up."

"My hero," I said sarcastically and then stood up. "Okay; let's go."

He began to walk towards me. "So, how often are you going to want me to come out here?"

I shrugged. "Not sure yet. Just every so often. I make the trip to Gallagher to see Joe sometimes, too. We could practice in the P&E barn then."

He nodded stiffly. "Okay, so, are we full out sparring?"

"Not yet," I told him, fearing that I would be far too sore the following morning if we did that. "I need to get back into shape slowly. Let's just kind of mess around with some different moves."

Zach swung his leg out, but I blocked it and hopped away from him. "I said half speed, Zach."

He grinned cockily. "That was half speed."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine." Then, I lashed out in a series of rapid punches and kicks. Within five seconds, he was on his butt on the grass.

He looked up at me, his green eyes wide from shock. "How did you do that? I guess we haven't studied those particular moves in our martial arts classes."

I helped him up and began to explain a little bit about my past. "My parents moved around a lot. Like, a lot, a lot. When we went places, they either left me with a nanny or took me to an expert that could teach me martial arts. I learned a lot of different styles. Kung Fu, Tai Kwan Do, Krav Maga, lots of different Korean styles. So, instead of just learning one way to fight like they do at Gallagher and Blackthorne, I learned a bunch of different styles and how to put them all together as one."

His eyes were gleaming. "Will you teach me some of what you know?"

I laughed. "You're here to work out with me, Zach."

"It'll benefit you, too," he claimed. "It counts as a workout."

I sighed and shrugged my shoulders. "Fine. Why not? Which style would you like to go into first?"

"Krav Maga," he said immediately. "When did you learn that, anyway?"

"When we were in Israel," I replied as I re-fixed my ponytail. "But what you have to understand about Krav Maga is that it is more of a self-defense kind of martial art."

"So, it's basically counter-attacks?" he asked me.

I nodded. "It was derived from street fighting by a boxer and wrestler names Imi Lichtenfeld."

"When?" he asked, curious for knowledge.

"Nineteen-thirties," I replied.

"So what are their arm techniques like?" he asked me.

"Highly emphasized."

"Legs?"

"Low-risk," I said. "They tech high-risk in higher levels, but they're not encouraged. They're only taught so that you can recognize how to block someone that has a background in kick-heavy martial arts."

"What about the head?"

"There are some head moves," I smiled at him. "Care to start working now, or is there more to this interview?"

He laughed. "Let's go."

I taught him some basic holds first, and then I let him try to use them on me while I was using a different kind of martial arts. He was a fast learner, and he took criticism well. I decided that I really didn't mind having him as a student. And, it really was helping me get back into shape. At the end of two hours, we were both drenched in sweat and Zach had a little blood on his arm where the heel of my shoe had caught him when he'd been a little too slow.

"We should do this more often," he said as we went inside to get some water.

"We should," I agreed as I went down the hall to check on Josie. She was still asleep, so I went back out into the kitchen and drank a lot of water.

Finally, I said, "I'm planning on visiting Joe late tonight. You can ride with me if you want instead of running most of the way."

"Sometimes I hitchhike," he defended.

I rolled my eyes and ruffled his sweaty hair just like an older sister would. "You can use the guest bathroom to take a shower."

"Are you saying I smell bad?"

"Yes," I said as I stood. "And I'm about to go and take one, too."

He sighed. "Fine."

I rolled my eyes and headed down the hall.


	5. Chapter 5

5.

Zach helped me buckle Josie into her carseat and then we took off in my new black Chevy Impala. He reached out to mess with the radio and I slapped his hand away. "I like this song."

"You don't know this song," he defended.

So, I began to sing with along. "Can I get a 'thank God, hallelujah'? You finally saw what she was doin' to ya. Your mama called it; she was right; glad to see you saw the light. The whole town, yeah they whooped and hollered. She drove away, nobody stopped her. Na na na na na, I'll say it again. Someone give me an amen."

"How do you know these songs?" he asked as he finally moved his hand away from the controls.

"What else do I have to do besides listen to music and read?" I asked him.

He smiled. "Just sing."

"Why?"

"I like your voice." He laughed. "It's pretty. Joe told me once that it was, but I didn't completely believe him when he said just _how_ good until now."

I rolled my eyes, but continued to sing. "You had your head so high in the clouds. Oh I, I had a really good reason for hiding my feelings. But now I can finally spit it out. Someone give me an amen. Someone give me an amen. Can I get a 'thank God, hallelujah'? You finally saw what she was doin' to ya. Your mama called it; she was right; glad to see you saw the light. The whole town, yeah they whooped and hollered. She drove away, nobody stopped her. Na na na na na, I'll say it again. Someone give me an amen."

"I kind of like this song now," Zach said as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. "Then again, it may just be your voice."

I rolled my eyes and continued to sing. "I'm standing right here in front of you. I think I love you, too. Can I get a 'thank God, hallelujah'? Baby do you believe it, do ya? Your mama called it, she was right. Glad to see you saw the light. The whole town, yeah, they whooped and hollered; the preacher's son and the farmer's daughter. Na na na na na, I'll say it again. Someone give me an amen."

Zach opened his eyes again and leaned forward slightly. "So, what song is next?"

"I don't know," I laughed. "Let's just see what the station plays."

We continued the ride with me singing along to songs and Zach occasionally comforting Josie until she went back to sleep. We arrived there pretty quickly and we were ushered through the gates under the cover of dark. Rachel met us out front and gave Zach and I both a quick smile. "Zach, you should probably be getting to bed."

"Probably," he agreed with a nod and then kissed Josie quickly on her forehead. "Later, Jo. See ya, Katelyn."

"Night, Zach."

Rachel smiled and held out her arms. "May I?"

"Sure." I relinquished my daughter and then Rachel led me through the empty halls of Gallagher. "Classes will be starting soon. She still isn't back."

"I'm sorry," I said softly.

She shook her head. "Me too. I just keep hoping that I'll receive a call that will tell me that she's okay. That everything is fine. But it doesn't happen."

"It will," I told her. "Eventually."

"I still remember when Cammie was this small," she said as she looked down at my daughter with an adoring smile. "My, how time flies. This one will be grown up and attending Gallagher before you know it."

"Don't make time fly _too_ fast," I laughed. "I'm only nineteen and she's only a couple of months old."

She handed Josie back to me as we reached the entrance to the passageway that led to Joe's hospital room. "Just wait. Oh, and Joe is hooked up to a new machine, but don't worry, it's just one that Dr. Fibs invented so that his muscles won't deteriorate."

I nodded and secured Josie in my arms. "Thank you, Rachel. For everything."

"And you as well," she told me with a smile. Then, she turned and walked away. I watched her for a moment before I entered the passageway and began to walk along it. It wasn't long until I reached the room with its antiseptic smell.

Joe was lying in the bed, looking absolutely perfect. The only thing that was wrong was that his eyes weren't open and he wasn't talking to me. But, I smiled nonetheless because just seeing him made me happy. He wasn't dead and he wasn't going to die.

Rather than pull a chair up to the bed, I sat down on the edge and placed Josie in the crook of his arm. She had been awake, but as soon as she was close to her father, she unconsciously snuggled a bit closer and fell right to sleep.

I couldn't help but let out a little laugh. "You're almost better with her than I am," I said. "But she never really gives me any trouble. She's a good baby. And she's healthy, too. She's above average in every way that you could possibly name. How could she not be, though?"

There was no response, of course, but I kept talking. I had to. Silence was just too hard. "Zach came over today to help me work out my martial arts. I need to get back into shape so that I can go back into the field whenever it becomes time for that. I taught him so Krav Maga, too. He learned pretty fast, you were right. Oh, and I've been thinking that whenever you wake up, we'll have to have a birthday celebration because your birthday was a couple of weeks ago. I can make a cake or whatever and we can…"

But tears began to come then and so I just hung my head and cried silent tears while my husband and daughter slept.


	6. Chapter 6

6.

When I had finally stopped crying, I wiped my tears away and began to talk some more. I gave him more details about the house that I bought and told him about the security systems that I'd had put in. I told him about Rachel stopping by to visit and a little bit about Cammie, even though he probably already knew about that. After all, Rachel had said that she came to talk to Joe sometimes and I understood that. He was, after all, her husband's best friend.

Josie stirred when I pulled her into my arms, but she didn't wake. It would be a couple of more hours before she would have to be fed. I leaned down and kissed Joe's forehead, my lips lingering for a moment before I pulled back and whispered, "I'll be back soon. I love you."

Then, I walked out of the room and found my way out of the passageway. As I walked through the halls of Gallagher, I looked around at the things that made up my used-to-be home. Everything looked pretty much the same, except for the extra security measures that had been put in.

"Katelyn! Oh, Katelyn!"

I turned around to see Madame Dabney coming towards me, a huge smile on her face. "Katelyn, dear, how are you?"

"Very well," I told her with a polite smile, hoping that she didn't see the tear stains on my face. "And yourself?"

"Very well," she responded and smiled at Josie. "And this must be little Josephine Solomon?"

I wasn't worried that she knew. Rachel had asked my permission to tell the staff members and after she'd told them, she'd told me that they all took it very well and were very happy for both Joe and I. "It is," I told her. "Would you like to hold her?"

"Just for a few moments," she said as she took Josie from me. "I don't want to keep you long."

After she'd done the usual "baby jabbering" she handed Josie back to me and wished me a safe trip home. "And I do hope that we'll get to see each other again, soon," she said.

"That would be nice," I agreed. "Have a nice night, Madame Dabney."

"You as well, Katelyn, dear."

I got away and finally made it to the front doors. When I pushed my way outside, I found that it was quite warm, and I smiled. The weather was very nice.

"It feels good, doesn't it?"

I didn't jump when he spoke; I'd known that he was there. "It does. I thought that Headmistress Morgan told you to go to bed, Zach?"

"She did," he responded with a very Zach-ish smile. "But since when do I follow other people's orders?"

"You mean, as long as those people aren't Joe or me?"

He smiled and nodded. "How is he?"

I began to walk to the car to buckle Josie in and he followed me. "He's doing alright. Dr. Fibs made a machine to make sure that his muscles don't wear down and his brain activity is normal."

I buckled Josie in and then shut the door. "Everything okay, Zach?"

"Can I talk to you for a second?" he whispered.

I nodded and we sat down on the bottom step. "What's going on?"

"Cammie," he said as I'd known that he would. "She's still not back and she hasn't made any contact at all. I keep having these reoccurring nightmares, each one different. Like that she's been captured by the Circle – by my mom – and she's being tortured for information that she doesn't have. Or that she's lost and alone somewhere and no one can help her because it's out in the middle of nowhere in Siberia."

I put a hand on his arm. "Zach, Cammie is a smart girl. She's a _Gallagher_ girl. And she was trained by Joe Solomon himself. She's good. And she's going to be okay."

He looked at me. "But what if she isn't, Katelyn? What if something's happened to her?"

"I can't promise you that nothing has," I told him honestly. "But you have to trust her."

"I know," he sighed. "I feel so useless and naïve and just… weak."

"You're not weak," I said, surprised. "You're anything but weak, Zach. A lot of people – no, _most_ people – wouldn't have the strength to deal with the stuff that you've had to deal with in your life. You never knew your dad, your mom is after the girl you love, you've had to make it through years of training in Blackthorne, and your mentor is in a coma."

"That's the thing," he said in a small voice. "I feel so weak about all of those things. I've cried and I haven't seen you upset and complaining once."

"I cry," I told him softly, tears springing to my eyes. "I cry a lot, Zach. Most nights, actually. I just don't see the point in complaining. But I do cry and I am upset. I'm nineteen years old and I feel like a single parent already. And even though things aren't particularly hard or anything, I still feel like I'm not enough for my daughter. She deserves both parents. And if Joe doesn't wake up…."

"Joe _will_ wake up," he said fiercely. "You know he will."

I ran a hand through my straightened, dark hair. "Yeah, Zach." I sighed. "I know he will. I'm just exhausted."

He nodded. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you-"

"You didn't do anything." I smiled and punched him playfully in the arm before I stood up. "I need to get Josie home before it's time for her to eat again. Much like her mother, she gets really cranky when she's hungry."

He laughed.

"Go to bed, Zach," I told him.

He gave me a mock salute. "Yes, ma'am."

As he turned and walked back into the school, I smiled and muttered under my breath. "I'm going to whip you the next time that we spar."


	7. Chapter 7

7.

I finished buckling Josie into her carseat and got into the driver's seat to drive. As soon as I started up the car, _If I Die Young_ by The Band Perry came on and I began to sing. Josie really liked it when I sang that song.

"If I die young, bury me in satin; lay me down on a bed of roses. Sink me in the river, at dawn; send me away with the words of a love song."

"Lord, make me a rainbow, shine down on my mother. She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and, life ain't always what you think it oughta be, no; ain't even gray but she buries her baby. The sharp knife of a short life; I've had just enough time."

The song sometimes made me think of Joe, even though it shouldn't. He wasn't going to die young. He wasn't going to die at all. He was only thirty years old; he had lots of life left.

"If I die young, bury me in satin; lay me down on a bed of roses. Sink me in the river, at dawn; send me away with the words of a love song."

"The sharp knife of a short life, well, I've had just enough time…"

When I'd first heard this song, it had made me cry, thinking of all of the people that I had known that had died. It was, really, a depressing song, but it was somehow beautiful at the same time.

"And I'll be wearing white when I come into your Kingdom I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finer. I've never known the lovin' of a man, but it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand. There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever. Who would have thought forever would be severed by the sharp knife of a short life? Well, I've had just enough time…"

"So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls. What I never did is done."

"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar. They're worth so much more after I'm a goner and maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singin'. Funny when you're dead how people start listening."

How true was that? Very.

"If I die young, bury me in satin; lay me down on a bed of roses. Sink me in the river, at dawn; send me away with the words of a love song."

"The ballad of a dove…"

"Go with peace and love…"

"Gather up your tears; keep 'em in your pocket. Save 'em for a time when you're really gonna need 'em, oh."

"The sharp knife of a short life. Well I've had just enough time…"

As soon as the song ended, I focused on fighting back my tears. By the time I finally had them under control, we had reached Gallagher. The roads were busy, but I parked far enough away and then got in by a secret entrance. School would be starting the following day, so all of the girls were returning to the mansion, ready for another year.

All of the girls except for Cammie.

She still hadn't returned.

It was a little harder to sneak through the castle with a baby in my arms, but I finally made it to the passageway and then to Joe's hospital room.

And then I was surprised because he had a visitor.

She had long, dark hair and green eyes that were as tired as her sister's. She held Joe's hand and spoke soft words to him, though she looked up when she sensed me come in. And then her eyes grew wide.

"Hello, Abby," I said.

She stood up and gave me a nod. "Katelyn. Is this Josephine?"

"Yes," I said. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel about her holding my husband's hand. I mean, I knew that Rachel did it, but that was entirely different. Abby had kissed him before. She liked him. But, then again, it's not like he was awake to push her away and tell her no.

But there was a ring on his finger.

Of the hand that she had been holding.

"He's doing good," she told me. "The doctors say that they think that his brain activity is increasing-"

"They called me," I told her. I had known well before she had.

She nodded. "Of course they did." Then, she looked at Joe, "Katelyn, I think there's something you should know."

I felt my heart pounding. Whatever it was, I didn't want to know.

"Listen, when I heard that he'd married you…" she turned and strolled to the other wall, anything so that she wouldn't have to look at me. "I was upset," she admitted. "All along, I'd wanted him to fall in love with me. But he never did. I studied your files and _you_, as much as I could. But I just couldn't figure it out. Sure, you're extraordinary, but I didn't see why I wasn't good enough."

I waited, silent.

She sighed and then turned around to look at me. "I guess you just have something. I'm not sure what it is about you, but you make him happy."

I said nothing.

She gave me a small smile. "I would never try to steal him from you, dear. It would be a waste of time. He loves you. But you should also know that I love him, and I think that I will until the day that I die."

"Okay," I said simply.

"You're angry."

"Slightly."

She nodded. "I expected that."

Then, she walked towards me, though I knew that it was just so that she could leave. As she passed, she paused and looked down at Josie, who had woken up. "She has his eyes," she said softly. And then, "she's beautiful."

"Thank you."

"You're lucky," she said, and then she disappeared.


	8. Chapter 8

8.

Abby Cameron.

She was driving me insane.

Because I knew that it very well could have been her. Joe could have fallen in love with her and married her. She could be the one with a three month old daughter; she could be the one dealing with having her husband in the hospital.

And I couldn't help but think that maybe she would be better at it than I was. She was older, for one thing. She'd known Joe for longer than I had. She didn't seem like the type of person that would ever break down. Was I really the best thing for Joe?

_It doesn't matter if you are or not. He chose you; he loves you. And you love him_.

Sighing, I poured some more formula into the bottle and went about fixing Josie's breakfast. I still couldn't believe that she was three months old. Rachel had told me that time would fly with her, but I hadn't thought that she had meant _this_ fast. It was insane. It seemed like only yesterday I had brought her home for the first time.

Coincidentally, it had also been three months since the explosion that had put Joe in the hospital with a coma.

I screwed the lid onto the bottle and moved to my daughter's bedroom. Joe wouldn't be happy with himself, I suspected. He'd been so excited about this baby; he would hate to have missed three months of her life. I had a feeling that it would be one of those things that he would never quite be able to let go of. But he would be a good father, I was sure of it.

When I opened the door, I saw Josie sleeping in her crib and smiled. She was so angelic looking that I almost hated to wake her up. But, I had to, if I was going to keep her on a consistent feeding schedule.

"Come here, baby girl," I said as I lifted her easily into my arms. She looked as though she wanted to cry, but the bottle solved all of that.

So, I began to sing to her as she drank from her bottle. "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens. Brown paper packages, tied up with string. These are a few of my favorite things."

She enjoyed my singing, it was always evident. If ever she began to cry, I merely had to sing and she would fall silent. It was soothing to her, I suppose. "Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes. Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes. Silver white winters that melt into spring. These are a few of my favorite things. When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad. I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so bad."

I kept singing to her and in no time at all, she was through with her bottle.

Thirty minutes later, we were in the car, on the way to Wal-Mart. Playing from the CD player was one of Beethoven's symphonies. That's what my parents had made me listen to as a baby. Something about it increasing brain activity or something. I didn't really care if it worked or not, though. It was soothing to _me_ as well as Josie.

At Wal-Mart, I managed to get Josie into the cart and then take off through the store, aware of several people's eyes on me. They were either curious stares or lustful stares (from the men). I didn't like either of them, but I ignored them well enough.

More formula for Josie, more diapers, more wipes… We ended up spending a whole ten minutes in the baby section. Then, we made our way to the food section so that I could get food for me. Eggs, bread, milk, chips, bottled water; the list just seemed to go on and on.

I even picked up a few pairs of athletic shorts and a few T-shirts for my workout.

It was while I was checking out that I felt the eyes on me. Eyes had been on me throughout the store, of course, but this felt different. It almost made me shiver, and that never boded well.

The Circle?

No, Joe never would have let them find out about us.

But Rider might have…

I was being paranoid, I told myself. Just plain paranoid. People often stared at babies because they were so cute.

After I had paid for my items, I made my way out to the car, where I began to load things into the car. Josie didn't like being put in the car first, for some reason. If she was in there for more than thirty seconds by herself, she'd start a crying fit.

That's when it happened.

A man lunged forward for my cart and a quick assessment told me that he wasn't from the Circle, he was just a kidnapper.

_Not Josie. _

Thankful that I'd begun practicing again, I spun the cart out of the way and performed a perfect roundhouse kick, knocking the man off balance. He came again, but I quickly had him flipped over, my knee in his back.

"Not my daughter," I growled at him. "You lowlife scum."

He was whimpering, probably from the pain of his broken nose.

A cop had been in the parking lot and had seen what was going on. But while he was arresting the man, I managed to sneak away and drive off.

The tears began to fall when I hit the main road. "Oh, Josie…"

She was whimpering, too, as if she knew how close she had come to danger.

I reached back and put my hand on her tiny legs. "It's okay, baby. Mommy took care of it. I'll always protect you. Always."

I kept talking to her and her whimpers finally settled down.

But my shaking would not.

I had a feeling that it wouldn't for a while.


	9. Chapter 9

9.

Josie gurgled happily and I couldn't help but smile as I continued to rock her back and forth. "Yeah?"

She gurgled some more.

"Think so?"

I laughed as she continued to gurgle. Sometimes, I really felt like we were having a conversation, only she was speaking one of the few languages that I didn't know. Still, I loved my moments with my young daughter. If you had told me a few years ago that I would have a daughter so young and would love every second of it, I would have called the nearest mental asylum to report a breakout. But, it was so very true.

"Well, little one, it's time for you to try to take a nap. Which song shall it be today?"

"I'm thinking a Russian lullaby," Zach said as he walked into the room, grinning.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. "You're supposed to be in class."

"CoveOps, to be exact," he clarified as he plopped down on the couch. "I'm skipping."

"Clearly." I rolled my eyes. "Who's teaching that now? Abby Cameron?"

"Yep," he said. "And she _sucks_. When Joe wakes up, I'm going to kill him for leaving us with _her_ as our teacher. God, Katelyn, she's so condescending. Why can't _you_ come and be our teacher?"

I laughed. "Abby Cameron has been around a lot longer than I have. She probably has a lot more experiences to draw from when teaching."

He snorted. "Yeah, right. Anyway, sorry; I didn't mean to interrupt rocking time."

I rolled my eyes and began to sing. "Dancing bears, painted wings, things I almost remember. And a song someone sings once upon a December. Someone holds me safe and warm; horses prance through a silver storm. Figures dancing gracefully across my memory. Ahhhh, Ahhh, Ahhh….." The notes went up and down and then back up again, and I handled each one with care, singing as my voice instructors in various countries had taught me.

"Someone holds me safe and warm; horses prance through a silver storm. Figures dancing gracefully across my memory… Far away, long ago, glowing dim as an ember. Things my heart used to know, things it yearns to remember. And a song someone sings… Once upon a December…"

"I've heard that somewhere…" Zach mused, his head resting back against the couch and his eyes closed. "Ah, well; I'll remember where later."

"Give me a minute while I put Josie in her crib," I said as I stood up carefully so as not to wake the sleeping Josie. One of the things that I certainly loved about my daughter was the fact that she was easy to put to sleep and she generally didn't cry unless she needed food or a change. "Help yourself to whatever's in the kitchen, if you're hungry or thirsty."

After I had put Josie in her crib, I walked back out into the living room to find Zach nursing a glass of sweet tea.

"So," I said as I sat down. "What brings you here on a school day, Mr. Truancy?" 

"Does Gallagher have a truancy rule?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes. "The state does. You know, Joe would be very disappointed in you for skipping class."

"Trust me, if he was awake and teaching class, I wouldn't have skipped. He would have killed me. And I would have been even _more_ dead if I had skipped class to come and see his wife. That would raise suspicions."

I laughed. "I suppose it would. So, are you going to answer my question now?"

"Sure." He sighed and set his glass down. "Okay, so, it goes like this…" He took a breath and then shook his head as he rubbed the back of his neck. "It's so hard to say…"

I leaned forward and touched his arm. "Just say it, Zach. You know you can tell me anything."

He nodded and looked up at me. "I just couldn't be there right now, Katelyn. I had this dream last night about Cammie, about her being in a wedding dress and walking down the aisle towards me… God, she was so beautiful. But, before she could reach me, she was just sucked away. And there was nothing I could do about it. And walking through those corridors and remembering her being there… I just couldn't."

I nodded my understanding. "It's okay, Zach. You can stay here as long as you want. If you want to spend the night and then go back in the morning, you're more than welcome to use the guest room."

He let out a breath and nodded. "I think I'll do that."

"Okay. How are her friends holding up?"

"About the same," he said. "Macey is depressed and trying not to show it. Liz still cries all of the time. Bex is harder than a rock."

"What about Headmistress Morgan?"

"I don't see a lot of her," he admitted. "When I do, it's only glimpses. I'm sure she's taking it hard. She probably blames herself for not seeing it coming."

"She does," I agreed. "Anything else going on?"

He shook his head and sat back against the couch. "Nothing much. What about you?"

"Josie almost got kidnapped."

He snapped forward and almost spilled his tea all over the carpet. He caught it just in time and set the glass back on the coffee table before he said, "WHAT?"

"Shh!" I said frantically and put a hand on his arm. "She's sleeping!"

"WHAT?" he whisper-yelled, his eyes wide.

I told him the story in hushed tones.

"Wow…" he said when I was finished. "And you're sure that this guy wasn't a member of the Circle?"

"A member of the Circle would have been able to fight better," I told him. "And a member of the Circle would have followed me home instead of attacking in a parking lot."

"True," he admitted.

"Besides, the cops got him."

"Well," he said with a grin. "This will be an interesting story to tell Josie when she grows up."


	10. Chapter 10

_**Hey, guys. I started a new Joe fanfic called AT DEATH DID WE PART. I hope that you will all look for it and read it and review so that I can hear your opinions!**_

10.

"_Marry me," he said to me in a soft voice, the words full of love, his eyes full of adoration. He was holding me close beneath the covers and I felt like I was right where I belonged. I wanted to freeze the moment forever and just stay there with him for the rest of my life. I loved him, which was hard for me to do, but I really did. I trusted him with my life; I would follow him anywhere and allow him to take care of me. I would give my life for his in an instant._

_I smiled at him and ran my index finger along the outline of his jaw. "Marry you?" _

"_Yeah," he said. "You know, certificates and rings and-"_

_I interrupted him. "You know that'd be hard." I hated the vulnerability in my voice, but I knew it was something that I needed to get used to. When you love someone, you let them have all of you; you let them see you at your weakest as well as your strongest. But it was definitely something that I needed to work on._

"_Why?" he asked, because he had definitely heard something in my voice._

_I shook my head, not wanting to get into the marriage discussion. It was an extremely sore subject for me and it always had been. So, I forced a smile and leaned in to kiss him, thinking that I could just get him to make love to me again and all discussion of marriage would disappear. _

_But Joe was too smart for that. He pulled away. "No, Katelyn. Tell me."_

_I sighed and rolled onto my back, staring intently at the ceiling. He propped himself up on an elbow so that he could see my face more clearly. It took me a moment to figure out how I wanted to phrase it, but I finally found the words. "About a year ago, I found out that my parents had only gotten married because my mom was pregnant with me. They were on a mission together and they were bored and lonely…" It took me a moment to compose myself. I had hated the moment that I had found out the truth of my parents' marriage. "So, they got married and had me. But they don't really believe in the institution of marriage, Joe. They cheat on each other whenever they want, whenever they go on missions and they're bored. They're married, but they're not."_

"_It doesn't have to be like that for us," he said softly and kissed my temple. "I love you. So much. And I would never cheat on you, Katelyn. I'll never want anyone else. Ever."_

_I looked into his green eyes, my own eyes tearing up. "How can you love someone like me?"_

"_Because you're perfect for me," he told me simply, lacing our fingers together. I moved closer to him and he pulled me tight against his body. "We fit," he said and he smiled._

"_Like puzzle pieces," I agreed and kissed his muscled chest._

"_Katelyn?"_

"_Hmm?" I asked and snuggled closer to him, resting my head on his chest._

"_Think about it. Please."_

"_Think about what?" But I thought I knew._

"_Marrying me."_

_I sat up, the sheet covering my naked body, as I thought about his proposition. Then, I smiled. "If you still want to marry me after I'm done with Gallagher, then yes, Joe, I'll marry you."_

_He kissed me passionately. "So, do I still have to propose later?"_

_I gave him a flirtatious smile. "Yes. At a candlelight vineyard dinner with a solitaire ring. White gold. Under no circumstances are you to propose to me with a yellow gold ring. I _will_ say no_."

"_What cut?" he asked me with a teasing grin._

_I pretended to think. "Hmm…surprise me." And then, I kissed him._

I sat up abruptly as I woke from the dream. Unlike a normal dream created purely from imagination, this dream had been based on reality. It had happened at Gallagher Academy – in Joe's office – the night before my parents and Rider had come to take me away from Joe. But, we had made it through that, eventually.

I ran my hands through my wavy hair and then looked over at the alarm clock. And that's when I realized what had woken me. Josie usually woke up and gave a little cry around three in the morning, but it was three-fifteen. She could have just been getting into her deeper sleeping phase, but I decided to get up and check on her anyways.

But I had just stepped outside of my room when I heard Zach's voice from the living room. "Yeah, it's okay, isn't it?"

Slowly, so as not to alert him to the fact that I was awake, I crept towards the living room. And when I got to the doorway, I saw him sitting on the couch, cradling a wide-awake Josie in his arms.

"We'll give your momma a break, huh?" he said to her in a sweet voice.

I leaned against the wall, just watching.

"You have it made, you know," he told her. "A mommy that loves you more than anything else. You're her whole world. And she's lucky to have you, too. You give her something to focus on while your daddy's asleep."

Asleep. That was a good way to put it. Because he was going to wake up and we were going to pick up right where we left off, as deeply in love as ever.

"And your daddy," Zach said. "He'll love you too. You'll see. I'm sure you'll have him wrapped around your little finger from the moment he lays eyes on you. And he'll protect you from everything in the world."

There was a pause.

"I'll protect you, too," Zach said. "I'm not technically related to you, but Joe is like a father to me and your mom… Well, she's kind of like a mother and a sister and a friend all in one. I guess I could be your uncle…"

So, I went back to my room to go back to sleep, knowing that Josie was safe in her Uncle Zach's arms.


	11. Chapter 11

11.

I didn't tell Zach that I had seen him with Josie in the living room. I didn't know if it would embarrass him or not. But I did think that it was one of the sweetest things I'd ever seen. Especially because Josie had been looking at him as if she could actually understand every single thing that he'd said.

"Josie didn't wake up last night," I commented as I made pancakes. "I was pretty grateful; it was the most I've slept consecutively since she was born."

"That's nice," Zach said, not letting on that he'd had something to do with it. "Do you mind if I feed her?"

I pointed to the sink. "The bottle should be warm now. Go ahead and take it out of the water."

He did so and then began to feed her while I flipped the pancakes over. "You want a ride back to Gallagher?"

"No," he said. "I'll run. It'll be good for me, since I missed P&E yesterday."

"If you're sure," I said. "Think you'll be in trouble for skipping class?"

He shrugged. "Maybe a little bit, but I'm sure Headmistress Morgan will understand why I did. I might get a little lecture or something."

"Well, if Joe was still teaching that class, he'd work you until you passed out."

Zach gave a knowing smile. "Yeah, he would."

"How many pancakes do you want?"

"Three," he said.

I put three pancakes on a plate and got two for myself. The few leftover ones I put on a plate.

"Thanks," he said as I set the plate down in front of him.

"No problem," I replied and began to spread butter onto both of my pancakes.

"I have a question," he said.

"Sure."

He hesitated. "Would you mind telling me the story? Yours and Joe's?"

I paused in the act of pouring syrup. "The story?"

"Yeah," he said with a small smile. "I mean, like, how you two got together and everything."

"I was his student," I began.

Zach nodded, eager to hear more.

I let out a breath. "I was his best student. My parents had been training me all of my life to be an assassin, like them. And you of all people should know that assassins are trained on a much higher level than the spies at Gallagher are."

He grinned at me. "Oh, yes. I know."

I laughed and continued. "Anyway, he knew that I'd been hanging out with Rider and he wanted to protect me. That's kind of how I figured out that he liked me. And then, one day, he kept me after class and we kissed."

"How was it?" he asked me with a teasing grin.

"I'm sure you can imagine," I responded with a roll of my eyes. "Anyway, we continued to pursue a secret relationship, and only one of my friends knew. Stuff happened, of course, because every relationship has obstacles. I found out that Rider was a member of the Circle, I kissed Grant to try to get him back for beating me, and then… my parents came."

"Your parents?" Zach asked and leaned forward, resting his arms on the table. "What happened with them?"

"Rider had gone to them and explained about me and Joe," I told him. "My parents told me to drink a memory serum or they would make Joe's life miserable."

"So you took it to protect him," Zach concluded.

I nodded. "Yes. He didn't want me to, but I did. I had to; I really didn't see any other option. I knew that they would eventually kill him."

"I understand," he assured me. "Then what happened?"

"Well, I went back home to live with my parents and they trained me for the remainder of my senior year and after that, I began to get assassin jobs from the CIA. I got engaged to Rider. And one day, I got a case that took me to Italy. Joe had gone to Italy to mourn me, because I had once told him that I would love to live in Italy. We ran into each other there."

"That's fate," Zach grinned.

I laughed. "I suppose you could call it that. Anyway, he met up with me under the pretenses that he was a fellow spy and he wanted to help. I let him. And then, as we continued, memories kept coming back until I eventually remembered everything. He proposed, we got married, and we had to keep it all a secret because I was still living with my parents. But, when I found out I was pregnant, we fixed all of that. And, well…"

He smiled. "I know all the rest."

"Exactly."

Josie had finally finished feeding and I watched the way that Zach stared down at her adoringly. He was truly her Uncle Zach.

"And you and Cammie," I finally said. "How did that happen?"

He clued me in and at the end, he asked me, "Do you think that we could ever end up like you and Joe?"

I took my daughter from him as I smiled. "Zach, I've learned by now that you and Cammie both are capable of doing whatever you want to do."

He laughed. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"You do that," I told him and put Josie in her chair. "But, if you're asking my advice, I would wait to get married until you're older."

"_You_ were our age," Zach argued.

I nodded. "I know. And I wouldn't trade it for anything. But Joe is older. A lot more mature, too."

Zach sighed. "I guess you're right."

Immediately, I went and grabbed a notebook and a pen. As I set it down in front of him, I said, "I want the date, the time, your previous statement, and then your signature."

We both laughed and he rolled his eyes at me, but he ended up doing exactly as I asked him.

"I'm going to frame this," I proclaimed as I took the notebook back.


	12. Chapter 12

**I just wanted to say that I always find it hilarious that the people that leave these rude reviews never put their names to them. It makes me laugh. I guess just because I was raised to believe that if you don't have anything nice to say, then you shouldn't say it at all.**

**Anyways, I really do appreciate the reviews from everyone and sorry about the delay in writing!**

12.

Josie had to be the best baby around. She never cried, unless she really needed something, and that toughness (among other things) reminded me of her father. That's who she would be like when she was older, I knew; just like him.

I was feeding her when there was a knock on the door.

"Don't get excited," I told Josie when she paused in her feeding. "It's not your Uncle Zach. He doesn't knock."

She went back to drinking and I carried her with me to the front door.

It was Rachel Morgan on the other side.

Quickly, I opened the door. "Rachel. Hi."

"Hello," she said with a smile and then looked at Josie with that admiring look that everyone gave adorable babies. "Hello, Josie."

"Come in," I said and stepped aside so that she could enter. We went into the living room and I got her some tea while she fed Josie the rest of her bottle.

"How have you been?" she asked as I took Josie back and began to burp her.

"Well…" I laughed just a little bit. "Josie had a doctor's appointment yesterday. The doctors said everything is great; she's basically above average in every way possible."

Rachel gave me a smile. "Well, of course. She's a Solomon."

A frown took over my face. "I had to report her with the CIA, you know."

She nodded. "I remember having to do that for Cammie. Yours must have been a lot harder, though, seeing as how Joe probably never reported your marriage."

I nodded, remembering the visit from the two agents and how often I had wanted to slam both of their heads into the wall while they'd been here. "He didn't want it in my file because he was scared that my parents or Rider would hack into it and figure out where we were. And after they were all gone, we just kind of forgot about it because he was on the run and in no position to report anything; he didn't want me in danger. And now, well, he's in a coma." I didn't like saying it, but it was true. "So they have all kinds of routes that they have to go through."

"How are they going about it?" she asked, leaning forward with interest that didn't surprise me. She liked talking about things that didn't have to do with her daughter's disappearance. No, Cammie hadn't come back yet, and it was seriously starting to wear on Rachel and Zach both. On me, too. I cared about Cammie simply because we were both Gallagher Girls and because Joe cared about her.

"They're going to find the priest that married us in secret. And they're talking to Leah, because she was there and signed our certificate. I only hope that the priest really did keep a copy so that this won't turn into a hassle."

"You'll be able to handle it," she said with a nod. "Sometimes, though, I do think that their protocols are ridiculous. It shouldn't matter whether or not you and Joe are married; Josie is still your daughter."

That's exactly what I had thought and I gave her a bright smile. "Great minds think alike."

Her expression grew serious, completely changing the mood in the room. She was one of those, like Joe, that could emotionally manipulate people in any way that they wanted to, just by their expressions. "When are you coming to visit Joe again, Katelyn?"

I settled Josie into my arms comfortably and then looked at Rachel, confused. "I don't know. Soon. Why?"

She sighed. "The doctors haven't told me anything specifically, other than the fact that he's almost completely healed of all injuries. But I just… I don't know. I have this feeling that he's waiting for something before he wakes up."

"I don't know what else he could want," I told her honestly. "I've shown up with Josie. Unless it's someone else he wants, there's not much else I can do."

"His brain activity-"

"Has improved," I said. The doctors called me at least once everyday to give me a full report on how he was doing. I'd learned enough medical terminology that I felt confident I could work in the ER and feel right at home. "_Slightly_." That meant that it was a possibility that he could understand what people were saying, even in his coma. But, it also meant that there was a possibility that he actually couldn't.

"I've been telling him everything that I can," she said and I could see how much all of this was hurting her. "Everything that's been going on. I've been reading to him, too. And I know that Zach likes to come in and talk to him about different stuff. Even…" She cut off and looked guilty for what she had been about to say.

"Abby?" I guessed and then just smiled and shrugged. "I figured."

"The other teachers, too," she said. "We all just talk; give his brain some exercise."

I nodded. "I appreciate that. And, you know what; I think Josie and I will come for a visit tomorrow."

She beamed at me. "Just call me when you're close and I'll meet you."

I hugged her before she left and when she was gone, I took Josie to her room and set her in her cradle. She looked like an angel when she slept, and all I could think was: _Joe should be here to see this_.

But, he wasn't, and that was enough to make me collapse onto my own bed, tears streaming down my face.


	13. Chapter 13

**So sorry for the delay in getting this next chapter up! I haven't been feeling inspired about this story! But hopefully I'm back now! If I'm not feeling this, though, I'm not sure how much longer I can keep it up… But I'll try, seeing as how this has become a sort of series. Thanks to everyone for your patience!**

13.

Josie was in a good mood and I almost thought that it was because she knew that she was going to get to see her father today. Of course, she wasn't completely aware of what was going on, so I had to discount that theory.

She ate well and didn't fuss at all when I put her into her car seat. I, however, wasn't as enthused as she seemed to be. I wanted to see my husband, but I hated leaving afterwards and knowing that my visit probably hadn't done anything at all; that he wasn't improving all that much.

And I _needed_ him to improve. I needed him to wake up and get to know his daughter. To help me feed her and change her and rock her to sleep. To wrap me in his arms and tell me that he loves me and will until the day that he dies. To be with both of us as a happy family.

I sang along with the radio, needing to focus on something else.

Anything else.

"We may shine. We may shatter. We may be pickin' up the pieces here on after. We are fragile. We are human. We are shaped by the light we let through us. But we break fast… Cause we are glass."

Josie made happy little noises from her carseat. She had always liked it when I sang to her.

"I'll let you look inside me, through the stains and through the cracks. And in the darkness of this moment…"

The drive didn't take too long and Zach was waiting for us on the steps when we arrived.

"Aren't you supposed to be in class?" I asked him as I watched him take Josie out of her carseat.

"Yes," he answered honestly. "But when Headmistress Morgan told me that you were coming today, I asked for permission to see you and Josie."

I was concerned instantly. "Is something wrong? Is it about Cammie?"

He shifted Josie to the other side. "Cammie still isn't back. And nothing's wrong; I've just missed you guys."

I relaxed just a bit. "Thanks. We miss you, too."

"I'll come around more if you'll make me more pancakes."

I laughed. "Deal."

"I'll carry her inside for you."

"Thanks."

We walked together in silence. Josie looked comfortable in Zach's arms and I hated that she'd had more interaction with him than she'd had with her actual father. Not that Zach wasn't great for her as an uncle figure… I just wished that Joe was around to be with his daughter. He'd already missed several months of her life. How many more was he going to miss?

I reprimanded myself instantly. _That isn't his fault! Do you think that he wanted to be in that explosion and end up in a coma?! He didn't even want to be separated from you in the first place, but he had to protect his best friend's only daughter! And you said that you understood that! Don't hate him for it now!_

"You okay?" Zack asked me as we reached the entrance to the secret passageway.

I let us in, seeing as how his hands were full with my energetic daughter. "Yeah, I'm fine." It was a lie, but I knew how to cover it up.

He bought it. "Did you feed her an espresso instead of milk this morning?"

I laughed. "No, she's just been energetic ever since she woke up."

"That'll be good for her school life," he remarked.

"I'm sure it'll be gone by then."

We reached Joe's room and when I saw my husband lying in that hospital bed, hooked up to those monitors, it completely took my breath away. I hated seeing him like that… so vulnerable. He was meant to be out there fighting, not lying in a hospital bed in a coma. It was just so wrong…

"I have to go," Zach apologized.

I snapped out of my little trance and turned to him, holding out my arms automatically for Josie. "Of course."

He raised an eyebrow. "Unless you want me to stay?"

I shook my head, putting on my best mask. "No, it's fine. You need to get back to class."

He nodded and brushed a kiss over Josie's head before he handed her back to me. "If you ever need anything, you know where to find me."

"Thanks, Zach."

He nodded once more and then left the room.

Josie stopped wiggling the second that I put her down by Joe's side and I was surprised at how quickly she fell asleep after that.

"I don't see how you're better at putting her to sleep than I am," I said with a sigh as I slowly sank into the bedside chair. "You're not even awake."

_Stop that!_

"Sorry," I apologized to him. "That was rude of me to say. I just…" I choked up a bit and had to swallow a few times before I could continue. "I miss you. And I hate that I couldn't come with you when you went to save Cammie. I hate that I wasn't with you during the explosion. And I hate that there's nothing that I can do for you now. I hate that you're not at home with us. I hate that you've never gotten to see your daughter. I hate this, Joe. I hate it."

Talking to him had always been easy, and this was no exception. The words were out so fast that I hardly heard what I was saying. Tears streamed down my face as I gripped my husband's hand and cried, completely out of words to say.


	14. Chapter 14

**Wow…. So not really feeling this story anymore… Sorry, guys. I promise that I'll keep trying, though. Hope you enjoy this chapter and sorry that it's been so long since I've updated.**

14.

"Thanks for doing this, Mr. Smith."

Mr. Smith's new face was surprisingly good-looking as he smiled at me and shrugged off a black bomber jacket. "Anytime, Katelyn. I always look forward to an opportunity to associate with people that I find interesting."

"I always was one of your favorites, huh?" I asked him with a smile of my own, remembering that we used to have the best conversations during Countries of the World because we'd both been _out there_. We'd _seen_ the places that were being discussed.

"I'm afraid I don't have favorites," he told me, but then he winked and sat down to stretch with me. "How is your baby?"

"Josie's great," I told him. "Thank you. Rachel is actually watching her right now. I think it helps… you know… with her missing Cammie and everything."

"Yes," Mr. Smith said sadly. "Still no word from Miss Morgan. We're all quite worried about what she's gotten herself into."

"She's been trained well." I thought about the training that _I_ had received from Gallagher and knew that what I was saying was true. "I'm sure she'll be just fine."

"I hope so," he said. "Now, what were you hoping to work on today?"

"Simple sparring," I said. "Basic workout type stuff. The only person I've been sparring with has been Zach. I need to get a little variety in. You're sure that you don't mind this?"

"Not in the least." He stood and stepped onto the large mat, ready for action with his black basketball shorts and plain white T-shirt. "It's always good to get a little sparring in. I don't have anyone that'll do it with me anymore, now that-" He stopped abruptly, mouth hanging open, unable to believe his own stupid mistake. "My goodness, Katelyn, I'm so terribly sorry. The last thing that I wanted to do was bring that up."

_That_. Joe's being in a coma had been reduced to a _that_. A lump formed in my throat, but I swallowed past it and walked onto the mat. "There's no need to tiptoe around me, Mr. Smith. It's all right."

He didn't look like he thought it was all right, but he nodded. "What did you want to start with?"

"Normal sets," I responded. "Good for the muscles to warm up." It was also good for me to get my head on sparring and off of Joe, lying in the mansion not far from the P&E barn.

Mr. Smith went through the sets like the pro that he was, and we complimented each other on strengths and pointed out weaknesses with a critical eye. Somehow, we had shifted from our roles as teacher and student to roles as equals. It was strange to me, but also very nice. Something that I would be able to get used to.

As we gulped water after sets, Mr. Smith asked me about my new house and gave me some recommendations for security measures. I listened very closely; after all, he was the most paranoid man on the planet, and he had the plastic surgery bills to prove it. Then, we got back out on the mat and began the real sparring, where there were no set movements and you had to really focus.

Mr. Smith may have been quite a bit older than me, but that also meant that he'd been around a lot longer, and knew what to watch for and how to be patient for an opening. Spies adapted, I realized. They adapted for places and times and weapons and all sorts of other things, but also for their own age. We did what we had to do, became what we needed to be. How often had I heard that about assassins, growing up?

After the sparring was all over, I tossed Mr. Smith his water bottle and then gulped at my own. "Well, that was certainly a workout."

"Yes," he agreed, as breathless as I was. "I had forgotten how good of a fighter you are, Katelyn. How many forms of martial arts you know. It was very hard to keep up."

"I couldn't tell," I admitted to him. "You seemed like you were doing just fine against all of them."

"I have seen a lot in my day." He smiled at me. "Oh, the stories I could tell you. We'll have to have tea sometime."

I smiled back at him. "I'd like that."

We walked back to the mansion together, talking and laughing, empty water bottles and sweaty towels left behind at the P&E barn. We had just started up the steps when the door opened and Rachel stepped out, Josie in her arms.

She smiled at us. "How was the workout?"

"Exhausting," Mr. Smith told her and continued his trek. "I need to go inside and shower. Rachel. Katelyn, thanks for the workout."

"No problem, Mr. Smith."

He gave us one last smile and then disappeared inside.

Rachel laughed. "You look like you got quite the workout."

"He hasn't lost a step," I told her, "that's for sure. Thank you for watching Josie." My daughter was sound asleep in her arms.

"Thank you for letting me." She smiled down at Josie in the adoring way that most people look at babies. "She's just precious."

"Isn't she?" I agreed with a smile.

Rachel settled Josie carefully into the carseat and said her goodbyes to me before she disappeared back inside the mansion. I watched her for a moment, marveling at her hidden strength. I mean, sure, she looked strong on the outside with her muscles developed from years of working out. But she also had to be strong on the inside, what with her husband most likely dead and her daughter gone…

It was the latter kind of strength that I admired the most.


	15. Chapter 15

**I really am sorry about taking so long with this story. I wish I had an awesome excuse…. but I don't. I've just been experiencing severe writer's block. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

15.

"Listen to this," I said to Josie. "Apparently, there was a man that beat his wife to death with a _broomstick_ because she billed a ten dollar purchase to his credit card. You can't even make that kind of thing up, you know?"

She gurgled and fisted the dry cereal that I'd put in front of her.

"You're supposed to eat it," I informed her as I folded up the newspaper. "Not just hold it in your hand."

She gurgled again and then stuck some pieces into her mouth.

"Good," I approved and stood. "We're making progress. Especially now that the TV is able to entertain you so that I don't have to watch you every single second. Soon, we'll graduate to crawling. Not that you sitting up on your own now isn't impressive."

She continued eating while I uncovered the French onion dip and opened a bag of chips for my own lunch.

Josie looked at me in a disapproving manner when I sat back down at the table.

"What?" I asked. "I know it's not the healthiest thing ever, believe me, but sometimes a girl just needs some comfort food. I promise I'll work it off later."

She didn't look like she believed me.

"I will!" I said defensively. "You can even watch as I do countless pushups. And when you're older, you can hold Mommy's feet while she does sit-ups." I popped a chip into my mouth. "Until then, I'll just have to keep sliding my feet under the sofa."

She just kept eating.

"That's what I thought," I said.

There was a knock on the door.

"Think that's your Uncle Zach?" I asked her as I stood and grabbed a napkin to wipe my hands off. I glanced out the window. "Even in this awful weather?" It had been raining for three straight days.

Another knock, louder and more insistent.

"I'm coming!" I called and jogged for the door. I unlocked it and pulled it open, already smiling. "Really, Zach, you had nothing better to do but run through the rain-"

But I stopped when I saw him.

He just stood there, motionless, eyes dimmed. His hair was almost black from the water and raindrops slid down his face and neck and into his soaked clothes, but he didn't seem to notice or care.

"Zach?" I asked softly, tentatively stepping closer to him. "Zach, what's wrong?"

His eyes finally seemed to focus on me, but I could read nothing there.

Something was _very_ wrong.

"Zach." I grabbed his arm and pulled him into the house as my heart began to pound. "Wait here."

He stood dripping in the entryway while I grabbed a towel from the hall closet, clean clothes from Joe's drawers, and then went back to him.

"Here," I said. "Dry off and put these clothes on."

He began to do as I'd asked, so I moved back into the kitchen and grabbed Josie. I plopped her down on the floor in front of the television in my bedroom and then went back out into the living room area where Zach sat, drier and in fresh clothes.

"Zach." _Has something happened to Joe? Please tell me that he isn't dead. Please. Please. Please._ I pushed the unpleasant thoughts from my mind and sat beside him on the couch. "Zach, please tell me what's going on."

"Cammie," he whispered.

Relief flooded through me. Joe was okay. He was still alive.

"I know she's still not back and you're worried about her, Zach, but you can't give up just because-"

"She's back."

His whisper had me reeling back in surprise. "What?"

"She's back," he said softly. "They found her over in Europe. In a convent in the mountains. She's alive. She's back."

My mind was spinning with these new revelations. "So she's… okay?"

"I said she's back," he said, looking down at his twined hands. "But she isn't okay."

"Has she been hurt?" I asked him. "Broken bones? Internal injuries?"

"She's…." He struggled for the appropriate words. "She's different."

"Of course she's different, Zach," I said gently, resting a hand on his arm. "She's probably been through hell. All that matters now is that she's back and she's safe."

"You don't understand." He looked at me and the hurt in his eyes was devastating. And the fact that he trusted me to see that hurt was touching. "It's not just that. She's… just so different. So…" He gave up searching for the right word. "Katelyn, it's like I don't know her anymore. Like she's a completely different person that just happens to look exactly like Cammie Morgan."

"I'm sure that's how Joe felt," I said softly. "I was taken away from him and my memories were altered so that I didn't remember who he was. When he found me again, I wasn't the person he remembered because I didn't remember him or what had happened between us. But he never gave up on me. Not once." I pulled him close for a comforting hug. "And you can't give up on Cammie. You just need to give it time."

He sounded like a little kid when he said, "It isn't fair."

"I know," I said and ran my fingers through his hair. "Nothing in our lives is fair."

It wasn't fair that my memories had been erased.

It wasn't fair that my husband had been ripped away from me by the Circle.

It wasn't fair that my husband didn't even know his daughter.

It wasn't fair that I didn't know when he would wake up.

Nothing in a spy's life was ever fair.

That's just how it is.

"Can I stay with you tonight?" he finally whispered.

I rested my cheek against the top of his head. "Always, Zach. Always."


	16. Chapter 16

**You should be proud of me: another chapter already! Better than waiting a whole month, huh? I can't say that I'm completely ready to start posting every week again, but I think that I have at least the next five chapters planned out, so hopefully you won't have to wait that long for them. Continue to review, please – it keeps me writing. And thank you to all of the loyal fans of this story!**

16.

"Oh no…" I breathed. "Josie…"

Josie, who was fast asleep on the couch beside me, didn't respond. Not that I had expected her to. She was there for more of a moral support kind of thing.

"Josie… she can't honestly be giving up on Stefan…"

My daughter had been asleep for hours, and like a bad mother, I had simply let her lie next to me on the couch while I watched _The Vampire Diaries_. It was such an emotional time…

"Josie… I think she's giving up on Stefan. But _why_? He obviously loves her, but he's struggling with the blood thing. She should be _way_ more understanding about that. And Damon just needs to back off because it's _his_ fault that Stefan went back to human blood anyway! He only did it to save Damon from the werewolf! Plus, Stefan is more responsible, and more caring, and more moral-"

"And _so_ hotter."

I snapped my head around to see Zach leaning against the doorframe, a teasing grin on his face. "Some girls say, anyway."

"Let me guess," I said as I paused the show. "You're Team Damon."

"Closet, for now," he said and moved closer, peering over the back of the couch and at my sleeping daughter. "What about Josie? Team Stefan or Team Damon?"

"Team Cheerios, actually," I muttered as I stood and carefully pulled my daughter into my arms. "I really did mean to put her to bed an hour ago."

"But then _Vampire Diaries_ got too emotional for you to face alone?"

"Shut up," I grumbled. "I'm going to go put her to bed. Don't you _dare_ push play and ruin things for me."

"Promise," he replied and threw himself onto the couch.

Once Josie was comfortably settled into her crib, I went back into the living room and sat on the other couch. "So, Zach, care to explain how you know all of the characters' names?"

He waved his hand airily. "Oh, you know, now that I'm going to Gallagher I hear all about shows like that. I'm not interested in them, of course."

"Of course," I said, grinning. "Who would be interested in characters like Caroline the witch?"

"Bonnie's the witch," he corrected automatically and then blushed as he sat up. "Or… so I've heard."

I laughed. "Of course."

He decided to give up the pretense. "Really, though, Caroline and Klaus just need to get together already. It's driving me mad. He deserves for someone to see the good in him. He's not all bad."

I grinned at him. "You just made my night."

"Glad I could help," he grumbled and threw a pillow at me.

"So," I said as I set the pillow aside, "why'd you come here in the middle of the night, Zach?"

He suddenly took an interest in his hands. "Just thought I'd stop by."

"Right…" I looked at the clock on the wall. "Anytime you want to tell me the truth, I'll be right here."

He sighed and looked at me. "Look, it's just…"

I leaned forward and touched his arm. "Just what, Zach?"

"Cammie." He raked a hand through his hair, looking very distressed. "I know that you said she's going to need time and everything, but this…" He blew out a long breath. "This is… _unreal_. It's like I said before, I feel like I don't even know her anymore. She's a completely different person. It's _killing_ me, Katelyn." He stood and suddenly began pacing, almost as if he couldn't control it. "She doesn't talk to anyone, she won't explain anything, and I don't know what to do. She's acting so weird."

"It's weird for her, too," I reminded him gently. "Having her memory erased… I know what that feels like, Zach. It isn't an easy thing. And having it erased through torture is even worse. Getting the memories back is a long and uncomfortable process. Giving her time is the best advice that I have right now. She's going to make it through this."

He sat back down and looked at me with sad eyes. "What if she remembers something… horrible? Something that she won't be able to come back from?"

"She was tortured, Zach," I whispered. "Chances are, the things that she's going to remember are going to be pretty horrible. But she's a lot stronger than you think. She's going to be okay."

"Was it horrible for you?" he asked.

"In some ways. It makes you feel violated, knowing that your memories were taken without your permission. It makes you wonder if there are other things you don't remember. It drives you crazy. But I got through it." I smiled. "_Joe_ helped me through it. Cammie's going to need you, Zach."

"I don't know how to be there for her right now," he said and hung his head. "I know I'm not being helpful and she probably hates me right now, but I just don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"The only thing you can do is be there for her. When she tries to talk to you, don't be angry at her. Do your best to be understanding. And strong, Zach. Always strong."

"She can put together a gun now," he murmured. "I watched her do it. It was like… almost like she was in some kind of trance or something."

I sighed, saddened. "Then it's definitely worse than we originally thought."

"If they ruined her…" His fists clenched and when he looked up at me, there was fire in his eyes. "Then I _will_ make them pay."


	17. Chapter 17

17.

"Here you go, Daddy," I said as I sat Josie down beside him. "Your five month old baby girl. She's sitting up on her own now and she's actually able to hold that position for a while. The doctor says that's _really_ early, so that's good, right? I told you she's above average in every way possible. God, I can't believe it's been five months already…"

Josie gurgled happily.

"I can't wait until she starts talking," I said as I absentmindedly slipped my hand into Joe's. "I'd really like to know what she's thinking. She seems so wise sometimes…"

There was silence in the room aside from Josie's occasional gurgling and the soft whir of the machines keeping Joe healthy.

"They say that your brain activity has picked up again," I said. "That's really good. Soon, you'll be back to normal and teaching class. The kids would love to have you back, I know. Zach especially. He really misses you." I teared up and sighed. "_I_ miss you. So much."

Josie had stopped gurgling and was lying next to her father, eyes fluttering sleepily.

"You two are so much alike, you know," I told him. "She looks exactly like you. I know she'll take after you more than me, which is perfectly fine by me. She needs to take after the better of us two. I think she'll have my hair color, though, since it hasn't turned lighter. But the doctor said that it could still turn blond in the next few months. We'll just have to wait and see what happens."

In my head, I thought up answers for Joe's silent end of the conversation. _Really? Well, I'd love it if she had your hair; I love your hair. I love you both so much. You two are my entire world._

"And I know that you know that Cammie's back – you know everything. Has she been to see you yet? Zach's very concerned for her. I told him that I know how horrible losing your memories is and that he needs to give her time to adjust to all of this, but I know how hard that must be for him. How hard it was for you. I still don't know how you were as patient as you were with me. You were incredible. Zach could really use your advice right now. Rachel probably could, too. We all could."

His steady breathing continued.

"I, uh…" I cleared my throat. "I heard a song the other day that I haven't heard in a while. It reminded me a lot of you. I'll… I'll sing it now."

I took a breath and began.

"Oceans apart day after day

And I slowly go insane

I hear your voice on the line

But it doesn't stop the pain

If I see you next to never

How can we say forever?

Wherever you go,

Whatever you do,

I will be right here waiting for you.

Whatever it takes,

Or how my heart breaks,

I will be right here waiting for you.

I took for granted, all the times

That I thought would last somehow.

I hear the laughter, I taste the tears

But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby?

You've got me goin' crazy.

Wherever you go,

Whatever you do,

I will be right here waiting for you.

Whatever it takes,

Or how my heart breaks,

I will be right here waiting for you.

I wonder how we can survive

This romance

But in the end if I'm with you

I'll take the chance

Oh, can't you see it baby?

You've got me goin' crazy.

Wherever you go,

Whatever you do,

I will be right here waiting for you.

Whatever it takes,

Or how my heart breaks,

I will be right here waiting for you."

Once the tears had dried from my eyes, I cleared my throat. "I think you can understand why that reminded me of us." I squeezed his hand. "It's true, Joe. I will _always_ be here waiting for you, no matter what happens. And I know that you'll do the same for me."

He said nothing, but he didn't need to.

"I should go," I said finally as I stood. I never wanted to leave him, but I knew that I had to. I just had to keep assuring myself that he was in good hands. "Josie needs to get to bed. So do I, for that matter."

I stooped to kiss Joe's cheek and then scooped up my daughter. "We'll be back really soon, okay?"

As we left, Josie began to squirm, almost as though the idea of leaving her dad made her uncomfortable.

"I know," I told her and pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. "I don't like leaving him, either. But he's in really good hands here and someday he'll get to come home and be with us. And he'll get to rock you to sleep and read you bedtime stories and sing to you, even though his voice isn't as good as Mommy's."

This seemed to pacify her somewhat and she allowed me to carry her to the car without any fuss. I had her strapped in safely in no time and then we were off to our house.

Once there, I changed her, fed her, and put her to bed after I had sung three lullabies.

I then readied myself for bed and stared out the window once I had crawled under the covers.

"Joe," I whispered softly as my eyes filled once again with tears. "Please, _please_ wake up. I need you. Your daughter needs you. I don't want to have to do all of this by myself. I need you here with me. You promised me that you would always be there to love and protect me. You have to come back to me. Soon. Please."

There was no answer from the heavens.

"Please," I whispered again and closed my eyes so that I could drift off to sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

18.

"Sam I am

I am Sam

Sam I am

That Sam-I-am!

That Sam-I-am!

I do not like that Sam-I-am!

Do you like green eggs and ham?

I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

I do not like green eggs and ham.

Would you like them here or there?

I would not like them here or there.

I would not like them anywhere.

I do not like green eggs and ham.

I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Would you like them in a house?

Would you like them with a mouse?

Sam and fox in box

I do not like them in a house.

I do not like them with a mouse.

I do not like them here or there.

I do not like them anywhere.

I do not like green eggs and ham.

I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Would you eat them in a box?

Would you eat them with a fox?

Not in a box.

Not with a fox.

Not in a house.

Not with a mouse.

I would not eat them here or there.

I would not eat them anywhere.

I would not eat green eggs and ham.

I do not like them, Sam-I-am…"

Deciding that Dr. Suess was not helping like he normally did, I closed the book and set it aside. "Josie, really. I've read you five books. It's nap time, sweetheart. That's the part of the day where you go to sleep. We've only done it for the past… few months. You should know this by now. It's a routine. We like routines in this house. Got it?"

But she just continued to cry.

It had been a rough day.

She'd woken up two hours earlier than usual, crying. I had changed her, fed her, and rocked her, but had been unable to put her back to sleep. She wouldn't eat her Cheerios. Reading her a book hadn't helped. Singing hadn't helped. It seemed as though nothing in the world was going to help.

"Josie," I sighed and stood up, bouncing her gently as I walked through the house. "Baby, it's time for you to sleep, okay? Maybe you'll feel better after a nap."

But she just continued crying loudly into my ear.

I had checked her for a temperature, but everything seemed normal. She didn't appear sick in any way. Everything was fine. So why was she crying? What was wrong with her?

More crying.

My headache grew.

"Here." I stuffed her pacifier into her mouth, but she only spit it out onto the floor and continued crying.

"All right," I sighed and sat back down in the rocking chair. "You don't want food, and I just changed you. You aren't sick. Why won't you just take a nap? You have to be tired. You woke up two hours early and haven't stopped crying since. From what I've heard, that crying must have used up a lot of your energy. Surely you can only have so much energy in this tiny little body."

More crying.

"Okay." I stood up and walked over to the crib. "I'm going to call your doctor and see what the consensus is. Maybe it's some teething thing or something."

But as soon as I set her down, she began to wail even louder than before.

"Okay!" I said in surprise as I picked her up again.

The wailing stopped, but she was still crying.

"I don't understand," I said tiredly. "You've never acted like this before. Something's wrong and I need to call the doctor. I only need to set you down for a few minutes while I see if I can bring you in today, okay?"

But it wasn't okay, because as soon as I set her down again, she began wailing.

My stomach growled. I hadn't eaten since I'd woken up because I'd been too busy with Josie.

My head was pounding from her incessant shrieking and crying.

_Stop._

_Stop._

_STOP._

"Josie!" I yelled.

She continued to cry, her shrieks as loud as my yelling.

"I'm upset too!" I cried. "You have no idea! I've been the only one taking care of you from day one! I deal with your diapers and your bottles and your crying while my husband – your father – is lying in a bed hooked up to machines and might never wake up! I wonder every day if he's even going to make it, but I have to act okay because I can't fall apart because of you! Because I have someone that needs me to take care of them! But who's taking care of me?! The person that's supposed to be doing that is unconscious! You're five months old and your father hasn't been able to hold you even once! He hasn't shared the sleepless nights or the worries or the countless bedtime stories and feedings! I've been doing all of this alone! Now, please, just give me a break and STOP YOUR CRYING FOR TWO SECONDS!"

Of course, my outburst only caused her to squeal louder.

And I didn't go to her.

I didn't scoop her up into my arms and pat her gently on the back and tell her that everything was going to be okay. I didn't rub soothing circles in her back and murmur to her that mommy was going to make everything better. I didn't continue to rock her and hold her and read her bedtime stories that I knew she didn't want to hear.

Instead, I slid down the wall to the floor, slid my knees up to my chest, and wrapped my arms around my legs. I rested the top of my head against my kneecaps and I cried.

I cried for so many reasons.

For Joe not being there.

For not knowing when he was going to wake up.

For Zach's troubles over Cammie.

For the pain of my headache and my stomach.

For the uncertainties that I was dealing with everyday about being a mother.

For not knowing how to take care of my own daughter.

For being a horrible mother.


	19. Chapter 19

19.

_I looked at the picture of the notorious drug lord. He was Italian, with olive skin and high cheekbones, black hair and dark, heavy lidded eyes. His name was Antonio Distefano, and it was my job to kill him within the next three months. Yes, I'm an assassin; please don't judge. When you're brought up and trained to do something, it's kind of hard not to lean towards that when choosing a profession. Besides, it's not like I go around killing innocent civilians. I kill the bad guys. I kill the people that the CIA pays me to kill._

_And I'm good at it._

_"Hey, babe." My boyfriend, Rider, sat beside me and kissed my cheek. "What are you looking at?"_

_I held up the file. "New target. Just got it this morning."_

_He looked over it, only glancing at each page for a minute. He didn't need any longer than that. He was an assassin; just like me – we had photographic memories and perfect recall. "Hmm…seems like a hard one. You gonna need some help with this one?"_

_I shook my head, giving him a smile. Rider always offered his assistance when I got new targets. And I always refused. "Thanks, but no thanks. I'll be fine."_

_He nodded. "When do you leave?"_

_"A couple of months," I answered. "Enough time for me to learn everything I need to know. I'll go for surveillance in a few weeks and see if I can't come up with a plan. For now, the CIA is taking satellite photos of his home and work."_

_"Probably a good idea," he nodded. "Want some help with that? Surveillance, I mean. Not the satellite photos."_

_"Rider," I laughed. "I can do this myself."_

_He sighed. "I know you can. And you know I like to protect you."_

_"And you know that I like to do things myself," I said as I leaned into him, feeling his arms wrap around me._

_He smirked. "Now, that, I do know." He leaned in and pressed his lips softly to mine and just as I reached up to touch his face, the front door opened and we separated._

A dream. It was a dream. But even though I knew it was a dream, I couldn't make myself wake up. I had to stay there and suffer through the memories.

_"Rider?" I questioned. "How did you know how to get hold of me? Is something wrong with my parents or did something happen? Did-"_

_"Chill, Kay," he said with a laugh. "I just wanted to check up on you."_

_"Oh. How did you get the number?"_

_"I'm an assassin, too. It wasn't all that hard to hack the database. You don't sound happy," he noted._

_What a genius. "Just want to get this over with."_

_"I agree," he said. "I want you home with me."_

_I glanced at the clock and noted the time. "I have to go, Rider."_

_"It's time?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"You have a plan, right?"_

_I rolled my eyes. "Yes, Rider. I have a plan; I'm not an idiot."_

_"Just making sure," he laughed. "Oh, and Kay? Be careful, okay?"_

_"I'm always careful, Rider."_

_"Okay, I love you."_

_My heartbeat sped up but I suppressed the thoughts from taking over. "I've got to go. It's time."_

That memory faded as a new one took over. Why was I dreaming about Rider anyway? It had been a very long time since I'd thought about him at all. I didn't like to think about it. But he'd been such a big part of my life before all of the drama with Joe…

_And then, the plane dropped for the landing and I clutched my seat, letting the thoughts wash away from me. The landing didn't take long, and then I was gathering my bags and stepping off of the plane. Rider was waiting for me, standing off to the side, wearing jeans and a long sleeved Hollister shirt. His curly blond hair was as neatly trimmed as ever and his smile was the same. "Hey," he said, rushing forward to take one of my bags. "Did everything go okay?"_

_"Everything was fine," I said with a forced smile. "Everything went great."_

_He leaned forward to kiss me and I noticed how strange his lips felt on mine. Like they just didn't belong there. Like they had never and would never belong there. He pulled away and I managed to keep the smile on my face._

_"Welcome back," he said. And then he dramatically lowered his voice. "But beware; your mom wants wedding decision."_

_Wedding._

_Luckily, just then, my mother and father came forward to hug me, asking me questions, which I answered politely. I noticed that everyone was smiling and that everyone seemed happy. But then I wondered: If I told my parents that I wanted to marry someone else – Joe – would they still be happy? Were they supportive of me or the me that they wanted me to be?_

_A few days after I got home, I sat on the couch with Rider, flipping through a magazine at my mother's request to pick out things that I would want for the house I would have with Rider._

_With Rider._

Stop. Stop. Stop. I didn't want to see anymore. Because I had to admit that a small part of me missed the way that things had used to be between Rider and me. Easy and natural, because we had grown up together.

And then I saw him trying to kill me, hating me for leaving him. Joe came just in time to stop him, and Rider fell dead after a fight.

So many people, gone.

And Joe… Joe…

I sat up abruptly in bed, breathing hard. At first, I was disoriented, but then I realized that it had been Josie's crying that had awakened me.

Grateful to my daughter for the distraction, I pulled myself out of bed and went to her room, shaking off thoughts of Rider as I went.


	20. Chapter 20

20.

"Cammie's no better?" I asked Zach on our way to Gallagher.

"No." He stared out the window at nothing in particular, and he seemed even more depressed than usual. But, at least he was feeling something. And he could only let it show when he was around me, because he trusted me enough to let his guards down. "I mean, she's… physically fine. The bruises and cuts are all gone. But mentally…" He sighed and ran a hand roughly through his hair. "She… she's not okay. I don't know what they did to her, but it was enough to drive her crazy. She spaces out and does all of these weird things… I don't even know how to explain it."

"Do you think they brainwashed her?" I asked in concern. The thought had never occurred to me before, but what he was saying fit.

"No," he said after a moment's hesitation. "If they had brainwashed her, we'd be able to tell. I mean, they definitely messed with her head, but I don't think they have complete control of her. She'd be too hard for them to break in only a few months. So, no, I don't think so."

"Just a thought," I said softly.

Josie gurgled softly and a smile overtook the frown on Zach's face as he turned in the passenger seat to face her. "Hey, look who's up from their nap."

Josie gurgled again happily and reached out her hands towards him.

He laughed as he held out his hand for her to grab. "Sorry, baby girl; I can't get you out of your car seat while the vehicle is in motion." He lowered his voice to a dramatic whisper. "Your mother might kill me."

"Or at least break your arms," I agreed.

"See what I mean?"

Josie made a disappointed sound, but Zach soon distracted her by making silly faces.

"You should have kids someday," I told him.

His smile fell just a bit. "No way."

I softened my voice. "Zach, just because your mother was… not a very good parent…"

He snorted. "That's putting it mildly."

I continued. "That doesn't mean that you would be a bad parent. You'd be amazing. I mean, you're amazing with Josie. She adores you."

"But she's not _mine_," he said. "I just feel like if I actually had one that was _mine_, I would be so much worse at this."

"No, you wouldn't," I disagreed. "You would still be incredible. Straighten up; we're pulling up to the gates."

He did as I'd said and I stopped by the guardhouse.

"Hey, Katelyn," Rick greeted me with a smile and then peered at Zach with a frown. "How do you keep getting past our security? We have all of the secret tunnels locked up tight."

Zach gave a devil-may-care grin. "Come on, you think I'm gonna tell you? Then how would I be able to get out?"

The guard rolled his eyes and waved us through.

"How _do_ you keep getting out?" I asked him as I pulled through the gates.

He laughed. "Come on, Katelyn. You know how we assassins are. Even when there's not a way out…"

"…We find a way out," I finished and parked the car. "Okay, you can get Josie out of her car seat before she has a panic attack."

He got right down to it and had her out of her car seat and giggling in less than a minute.

"See?" I told him pointedly. "You'd be an awesome parent."

He rolled his eyes but smiled. "Whatever. Want me to keep her while you go in to see Joe?"

I usually liked to take Josie with me, but there had been a few times that I'd asked Zach or Rachel to keep her because I wanted to be in there alone.

"Sure," I decided. "I'll come get her from you later."

He nodded and disappeared inside.

I was in Joe's makeshift hospital room in less than three minutes and I stood in the doorway for a while, just watching him breathe and listening to the beeping of the heart monitor and the soft whirring of the machine that kept his muscles from becoming completely useless.

He was still so perfect. The swelling in his face had gone down completely and it was as flawless as ever, more beautiful than a Greek god's. His blond hair had been cut recently, but it still looked like liquid gold to me. Everything about him was simply perfect.

I walked closer to him and sat down in the chair beside his bed.

"Hey," I began after a minute more of staring. "Nice to see you again." I let out a short laugh of disbelief. "Wow. That sounded so… cordial. I guess I just don't know what to say anymore."

He continued breathing evenly and if I didn't know any better, I would have said that he was simply asleep.

"Josie's not here. Well, I mean, she's _here_ at Gallagher, but she didn't come in the room with me today. She's with Zach, the doting uncle. I just… kind of wanted to be alone with you for a little bit."

The heart monitor continued to beep out a steady rhythm and the whirring continued.

"You look better all the time," I said softly. "So I really don't understand why you haven't woken up yet. Your CT scans all appear normal. Everything's fine, so why won't you just wake up?"

I blinked back tears.

When they finally cleared, I was sure I was hallucinating.

Because Joe's brilliant green eyes were looking at me with wonder and confusion.

"Oh, my God," I breathed and rubbed my eyes quickly.

And when I opened them, Joe was still looking at me.

"Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God," I said and frantically pushed the button beside his bed.

"Oh, my God!" I said again as tears fell rapidly from my eyes and I gripped his hand. "You're alive, you're alive, you're alive!"


	21. Chapter 21

21.

The doctor did so many tests that I almost bit his head off. He shined a light in Joe's eyes and then made him drink some water to moisten his throat so that he could talk. Then, he asked him simple questions like his birthday and simple math problems and the street he'd been born on. They did a CT scan next and then made him sit up and move his arms and legs so that they could be sure his muscles hadn't deteriorated any. Then they asked him what he remembered and an agent was brought in so that they could take him through a preliminary debriefing of the events leading up to the explosion.

The whole time, I felt like I was going to explode in anticipation and joy. I almost refused to leave when they had to debrief him, but I knew that they would force me out anyway, so I left and picked up Josie, careful not to give anything away to Zach, as I had been instructed. I hated it, but orders had to be followed.

I waited in Rachel's office, since she was organizing some kind of trip for Cammie. Zach was planning on going, too, which was why he hadn't pressed me for more details when I'd picked up Josie. No one was allowed to know anything about Joe yet. Not until we were sure what was going on.

Josie fell asleep in my arms while I was pacing and I finally set her down on the couch only to continue pacing. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and so on until I was nearly dizzy.

_Joe's awake. He's really awake. I watched him talk and he looked at me. He's alive. Everything's going to be okay now. What's taking so long with the debriefing?_

It had been hours since I'd been asked to leave the room.

Rachel had come into her office briefly to grab some files and had left to go meet an agent somewhere nearby.

Zach was gone, off to Rome to help Cammie try to regain her memories.

The world was still spinning, people were going through their daily routines, but my entire world had been rocked.

Joe was awake.

There was a soft knock on the door and then the doctor stepped in. "Mrs. Solomon?"

I rushed to her. "How is he? Is he still awake?"

"Yes." She smiled. "We recommended rest but he refused to sleep until he'd seen you again."

I smiled back at her. "Oh, thank God." I rushed to the couch and picked up Josie, rousing her from her sleep. She didn't put up too much of a fuss, though, and was good to go after a quick diaper change.

"He's in very good condition, considering the circumstances," the doctor told me as we made our way down the hall. "His memories seem to be intact and he's given us much information about the Circle. He's very weak, as is to be expected, but he should recover quickly. His vitals are good. Anything else that I tell you would just be medical jargon, but he's going to make a full recovery, Mrs. Solomon. It's a true miracle."

We paused right outside of the door to his room.

She patted my arm. "You can go in and get some alone time with him."

"Thank you so much," I told her, my eyes filled with tears.

She nodded and inclined her head towards Josie. "I'll go and find her a bottle. Or does she only eat solid food now?"

"She still drinks some formula. She'll be wanting some soon," I said. "But she really likes Cheerios."

"I'll find some of both."

"Thank you."

The doctor disappeared and I took a deep breath before I entered Joe's room.

He was sitting up in bed, a few pillows supporting his back. His skin was pale and he was obviously tired, but he looked absolutely perfect to me.

"Joe," I breathed.

"Katelyn."

I began to cry when I heard him say my name. It had been so long and it felt so good to hear his voice again.

Joe's green eyes had fallen on the squirming five-month-old in my arms. "Is… is that…?"

I nodded and stepped closer to him. "Joe, this is your daughter. _Our _daughter."

He was mesmerized. Slowly, he held out his arms, almost tentatively, looking at me for permission. "Can I… can I hold her? Please?"

I nodded frantically as I walked towards the bed. "Of course you can. She's been waiting for this."

After carefully placing Josie in his arms (and after many assurances that he was holding her correctly), I sat down in the chair by the bed and watched as Joe cried softly while our daughter played with the edges of the hospital gown he wore and then his fingers, when he offered her his hand.

"What's her name?" he asked after nearly fifteen minutes of silent adoration.

"Josephine Catherine Solomon," I answered him. "Josephine for Joe and Catherine for Katelyn. But I just call her-"

"Josie," he whispered and raised one eyebrow. "Right? I remember you saying that… in something like a dream…"

I nodded, wiping away my tears. "That's right. I call her Josie."

"When was she born? I mean, exactly."

So I gave him all of the details that he wanted. The date, time, and every other detail of her birth. I told him of her love of Cheerios and about the color that I'd painted her room. On and on and on we talked, because he had so many questions.

When the doctor came in with some formula and Cheerios, Joe shyly asked if he could feed her.

"Of course," I said and quickly demonstrated the correct way to let her drink out of the bottle.

And then I watched him as he watched our daughter with all of the love in the world.

"I missed you," I whispered.

He smiled at me tenderly. "I'm so sorry."

I kissed him once, softly, sweetly. "All is forgiven."


	22. Chapter 22

22.

The next morning, I awoke to a wonderful sight and I spent at least ten – okay, fifteen – minutes simply staring and enjoying it.

Josie sleeping peacefully – my little angel – was enough to spark the joy I was feeling, but there was more.

Joe slept beside her – he had insisted that she share his bed – and he had one arm curved around her protectively. Seeing them together was incredible, after all of this time. I had been waiting so long for Josie to bond with her father and to see it happening right before my eyes…

The doctor had left some formula, so after I had it ready, I walked to the bedside and reached for Josie. When my hand was only a few inches away, Joe's hand shot out and grabbed my wrist as his eyes snapped open.

"It's okay," I whispered soothingly, smiling at his protectiveness. "It's just me. Josie will need her breakfast soon."

He blinked a few times and then nodded slowly. "Can I do it?"

I nodded. "I'll get her out of bed so that you can sit up."

I ended up having to hold Josie _and _help Joe sit up in bed, but it was worth it to get to watch them together some more.

After he was done feeding her, I let him eat his breakfast while Josie listened to her regular morning music that came from my iPhone. A doctor came in to check Joe's vitals and left after promising to be back for more tests.

"I love tests," Joe said in that voice that wasn't quite back to normal, but was perfect all the same.

I laughed. "I know you do. But it's for your own good. They're trying to make sure that you're healing up properly."

"Can I hold her again?" He cringed. "Sorry, that's probably selfish…"

I laughed as I handed our daughter over. "I've had five months with her. You're not being selfish."

Josie seemed both baffled and curious about this new stranger that she'd sat beside but never interacted with before. Joe seemed to understand that she was unsure about him, because he simply sat there while she played with his hands and his hair and his nose. When she was a little more comfortable, he told her stories about his travels and about his own parents, whom he hadn't known all that well. She seemed utterly fascinated by every word that he said.

When it was time for her nap, I taught Joe exactly how she needed to be held and then I sang while he gently rocked her in his arms. When she was asleep, he set her gently beside him and smiled at her adoringly.

"She's so perfect," he whispered, afraid to wake her.

"She is," I agreed. "Reminds me a lot of her father."

He looked over at me and smiled lovingly. "Reminds me a lot of her mother."

I rolled my eyes. "She looks more like you than me. And I'm glad."

He let out a breath. "This is all so… unreal."

"I know," I said. "I'm still overwhelmed with all of this. But we'll be okay."

He reached out and grabbed my hand. "Yeah, we will, won't we? We always are."

I smiled. "So, I'm guessing you want an update on events?"

"Yes, please."

So, I told him about the things that had been happing at the Gallagher Academy. I told him about Cammie's disappearance and Zach's worries. I told him about Cammie's strange behavior and the theories surrounding it. I told him everything that he would want to know, including that Cammie and Zach were both in Rome trying to help Cammie get her memories back.

He listened attentively, occasionally asking a clarifying question, and he was up to speed by the time that Josie was awake from her nap.

"Wow," he said in conclusion as he picked her up and set her on his lap. "That's a lot to take in."

"It is," I agreed. "Even for me."

"I can't believe she was so reckless."

"Can't you?" I asked with a small smile. "What would you do, Joe, if you felt that everyone around you was keeping secrets from you?"

He rolled his eyes but didn't disagree. "I wouldn't get caught."

"Of course not."

"Neither would you."

I shrugged. "I'd like to think so. How are you feeling?"

"Fine." He was tired, but he wouldn't admit it. "What about you, Josie? How was the nap?"

She gurgled happily in response and he laughed.

"She's pretty vocal," I agreed. "I'm kind of dreading when she learns to talk."

"Daddy is going to be your first word, huh?" he asked her.

I rolled my eyes. "We'll see about that."

He played with her soft hair for a while and asked me some more questions about her. He asked about doctor's appointments and late nights and her growth process. He wanted to know everything, and I gladly supplied him with the answers that he was looking for.

"I'll never feel up to speed with this," he admitted grudgingly.

I shrugged. "I won't, either. I learn something new every day. I make mistakes. It's all part of the process. Soon, we'll have you changing diapers like a pro."

He had already changed one, and it had definitely been a _very_ new experience for him. I'd ended up having to do most of it myself.

"I'll get the hang of it," he said stubbornly.

We talked until Josie's bedtime and he helped me put her to sleep. Just then, a couple of doctors came in with a small cot for Josie.

"We have to do some tests," they said simply.

Joe grabbed my hand. "Stay with me?"

"Of course," I agreed and went to set Josie down.

"We'll start with some more memory tests. Can you tell us something from your past?" the female doctor asked.

Joe caught my eye and grinned widely. "Let me tell you about my wedding day."

I sat down and listened, my heart soaring.


End file.
